My Wife and Kids

Michael and Jay are a loving and married couple who have three children: Junior, who wants to go to a concert to see MC Murder Death; Claire, who wants some privacy in her life; and little Kady, the cutest child in the house.

Jay is trying to get rid of some old clothes, so after Michael opposes to that she and him make a deal that everything that is not worn by the end of the week has to go. Meanwhile, Junior is trying to learn how to play the guitar and his friend convinces him to smoke pot. Kady gets angry at Claire for avoiding her.

Junior fakes an A in algebra while his family, not fooled by the charade, fakes a celebration. Meanwhile, Claire blackmails Junior because she had caught him red-handed forging his report card.

Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Jay invite his parents over to discover some of the kids weak points. Jr. teases the kid back and Claire punches him in the nose making Jr. feel humiliated. Meanwhile, Michael tells Jay she is not around enough, and she starts to realize that when she misses Kadys first tooth and her new "smell the cushions" thing.

Michael tries to get Claire away from her new boyfriend by befriending him, but things get touchy when she dumps him. Jr. overdoes it in the bathroom.

Michaels accountant dies suddenly, making him take a whole new perspective about his life. He buys a wig (or a hairpiece as he likes to call it) and starts to demonstrate his love for his family in a weird way. He even buys a motorcycle and an RV, in a misguided effort to live life to its fullest.

Jay visits her mom while Michael starts telling Kady the "story" of her birth. Meanwhile Claires friend Charmaine is pregnant.

Fed up with Michaels parenting style, the children confront their father with a description of the ideal dad.

Michael has problems in the bathroom and needs to have a colonoscopy; he has a dream that his doctor is singer Lou Rawls. Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted but informative look at a serious problem: colon cancer. Its especially acute among African-Americans over 40 - and guess whos 40?

Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michaels piece of pie. Michaels punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jays "chubby buddy": Hell eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesnt tell her that he plans to cheat.

Michael and Janets romantic overtures are seen on the Internet after Jr. gets new computer equipment that includes a 24-hour web cam.

Michael is thrilled when the children start their own businesses after squandering their allowances in one day.

Chaos erupts when Michael tries to get his always-tardy family dressed and out the door to a wedding within just 15 minutes.

Michael, who dislikes going out to dinner because its always an overpriced ordeal, allows Janet to convince him to take the family to a Japanese restaurant.

Michael agrees to let Claire go on her first date with Tony, but only on condition that it is a double date with Janet and himself.

Junior asks his dad to teach him how to box so he can protect his sisters honor; Junior knocks out his dad in boxing on a lucky shot.

Jay badgers Michael into giving her a job, where she soon begins to get ideas above her station. Michael discovers that Janets personality is not a good fit for his office, and Kady reenacts a memorable scene from `E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.

When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim.

The Kyles face the Tylers in a game of bowling during Star Trek night. The Tylers daughter tries to charm Junior into throwing the ball and not caring; Junior develops a crush on her.

Michael and Janets 15th anniversary is approaching. Jays friend Wanda brings her Brian McKnights tickets (a concert Jay was really looking forward to see), but unfortunately she has to turn it down because its on the same night as their anniversary.

The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael books a 43-hour flight to Hawaii with several layovers in order to save money. Plus, Michael chastises Janet for packing too many clothes.

A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the familys flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges.

While making Claires bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She cant resist the temptation of reading it and learns that her daughter is thinking about becoming sexually active. Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists theres nothing wrong with his sight; he asks Junior to drive and Michael reprimands him for his poor driving skills.

Jay volunteered to be the director for Kadys kindergarten class play, but due to illness she is forced to step away from the production, leaving Michael to fill the void; he allows the kids to do whatever they want.

Michaels sister Kelly is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jays nerves. This time is no different and it sparks a rivalry.

Feeling that she has no space and time of her own due to home duties, Jay decides to paint. The result is a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelos David, which makes Michael feel a little bit "diminished". Michael renews acquaintances with his old buddy Steve, while the kids are encouraged to develop their artistic abilities aswell. Claire designs clothes, Kady plays the piano and Junior writes some bizarre poetry

Jay decides to attend a ""Open Your Heart"" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is ""prevention"", but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isnt broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business selling monkeyfish like he. Jr., instead of the monkeyfish, decides to get 100% refunds on the clothes Claire buys with a 40% discount at the store shes working. When Jr. gets caught, Claire gets fired and Michael punishes him by making he wear the clothes he wanted refund.

Michael wants some time alone in the house and makes a deal with Jay for her and the kids to get out of the house. But of course it doesnt come as easy as he hoped. He has to pay for Claire to agree on going to the mall and is forced to watch The Little Mermaid with Kady for the hundredth time. He switches the movie to Gremlins, which scares the death out of the poor girl, and when the power goes off Claire freaks out about losing her entire work on the computer. In the end, the power failure ends up bringing the Kyles closer together.

As a very impressed Michael sees it, his sons girlfriend, Vanessa is an absolute prize: ""Shes beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common,"" he tells Jr. But theres something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kadys similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all shes courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives.

Michael and Jay are asked to serve jury duty together. Michaels elected foreman and wants to move on the trial quickly so he can get home to watch the ""Godfather"" marathon on TV. But Jay wont vote in guilty because she thinks there has to be a debate first. Thanks to that, Michael ends up missing the marathon, and has to rent the videos to catch up with the movie. At the video store, he meets an insurance salesman whom he mistakes for a mobster, and is convinced that the mob is after him due to the case. The case ends up being dismissed before they can vote, and Jay is disappointed that Michael wouldnt back her up but has her revenge when Michael acts like a fool.

Claire has taken her driving permit, but Michael wont lend her the car because he doesnt think she can drive very well. Nevertheless, Claire steals the car keys thinking if she goes out really quick while her parents are gone they will never notice. Unfortunately, she drives by them on her way to meet her friends, and Michael decides to teach her a lesson on the Michael Kyle style: stealing the car and making Clare feel guilty about it. She goes to Junior for help, and they call the police reporting the stolen car. Michael ends up in jail due to the mixup, but he and Clare end up getting along after everything is cleared up.

Jay decides to spend more quality time with Michael - by watching him play golf. Meanwhile, Jr., who only wants to go to college because Vanessas going, asks Franklin for help with the application essay.

Claire comes home with the exciting news that she was invited to senior prom. Jay is excited about it and volunteers to chaperone at the dance, in order to keep Claire safe from her date, a senior quarterback. But Jays exaggerated excitement makes Claire feel uncomfortable, especially when her parents are crowned queen and king of the prom. Michael tells Claire that she shouldnt be upset about it because Jay never attended her own prom as she was giving birth to Junior that night, and so Claire lets her mom enjoy her moment. Meanwhile, Junior falls into another one of Michaels plans once he tries to teach the kid a lesson about money management and ends up turning his car the exact opposite of Juniors plans.

Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift – and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Clare admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen. Hes decided not to go to Japan anymore. Vanessa is pregnant.

Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair hes grown with the help of some ""miracle"" pills called ""Come Hair Now"". As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. Hes jealous of his hair and wont let anyone touch it. He also starts to get paranoiac that Jay is trying to kill him after they make a life insurance, but turns out it was just one of the side effects of the pill. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program.

Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesnt want her to put the household in second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Juniors friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle.

Worried about Juniors fathering skills, Michael decides to enroll him in a parenting course. Junior is reluctant to attend, so Michael gives him a water balloon that Junior should keep for a week as if it was the baby. If it breaks, hell have to attend the course. Michael doesnt let Junior have it easy, and Junior insists that more than wanting to teach him how to be a good parent, Michael doesnt have any trust in him.

When Jay works hard to get in shape and run a marathon, Michael thinks that, since hes a man, he too can run the marathon - without any real training. Meanwhile, bible-quoting Tony asks the gorgeous Claire to dress ""ugly"" so he wont feel so turned on.

Much to Claires delight, Michael and Jay forget to recite their house rules — ""No friends, no fires, no freedom, no fun"" — before going out for the night. As a result, Claire decides to throw a party so she can get in with the so-called right crowd. Things get raucous when someone spikes the punch and a drunken Tony fulfills a fantasy and streaks down the street naked.

Michaels imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claires backpack — the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dogs medicine — and Kady pretends to turn into a dog.

Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer… except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessas families come to visit the couples new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.

Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.

The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michaels cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times theyve had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jays obsession with her weight and Michaels visit to a proctologist.

Calvin, Vanessas gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.

Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other – but cant find the key – and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.

While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins, to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and want to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.

The family plays a game which shows them exactly how much they know about each other.

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole familys participation.

Michael cant focus on much else after learning that hell be going to sports legend Michael Jordans fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that theres been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until a former rival challenges him to a dance-off.

Michael advises Jr. that its ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jays all-female book club, where theyre discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.

At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put ""Jays Soooooouuuul Kitchen"" out of business.

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to get married in two weeks, Vanessa having told Jr. that she wants a small, simple wedding. Michael and Jay offer to help plan it, but instead of something simple and sweet, they plan an elaborate and expensive ceremony that includes dolphins, a castle and 751 guests. Frustrated, Vanessa tells Jr. he needs to regain control of things, forcing him to decide whether he should stand up to Michael.

When Vanessa innocently buys Jr. a foosball game, Jr. discovers his competitive nature and becomes obnoxious when he wins. When Michael challenges Jr. and wins, he initially wants to teach his son a lesson about being a good winner. But then when Michael continues to win, his ""fatherly lesson"" goes out the window and instead he becomes obsessed with playing foosball. Desperate, the Kyles have to come up with a plan to break the games hold on Michael.

When Jay insists that Michael buy her a present for ""Sweethearts Day,"" a reluctant Michael comes up with a scheme to base the price of Jays gift on her attitude towards him at a particular moment. He shares his plan with Jr., Tony and Franklin, hoping that they will follow the lead, but the only lead is straight to trouble.

When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier), shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and its time to leave, the boat never shows up to take them back and the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.

When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

Michael tries to leave for a golfing trip with a friend, but the family keeps distracting him.

Michael sells his trucking business to spend more time with Jay and Junior Junior.

Jay asks Michael to get a vasectomy, but he says no. Eventually he tells Jay that he will go through with it, but then backs out at the last second. Jay says that she will instead get a hysterectomy. After she comes out of the clinic, Michael tells her that he will get the vasectomy, but she then reveals that she is pregnant.